Bitterness

"Holding a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
- Alcoholics Anonymous

Bitterness is killing me.  How do I let it go?  I've tried.  I've been gracious.  It just keeps getting worse.

Portfolio

I'm beginning to be more confident in my photography skills.  And so, I think I will start a business when we move to Spokane.  I will need to put together a portfolio.  I will need a name for my photography business.  I will need a website to display my work and take appointments.  For now, I have this blog.

I enjoy editing in Photoshop almost as much as taking the photos in the first place.  I have a couple photo shoots coming up in the next couple weeks.  Maybe someday I can actually earn some money doing what I love.  Pretty sure I will never do weddings, though.  Too much work afterwards!  I will stick to babies, couples (maybe), and families.  But mostly babies!  I love the babies!

Baby shoot - Luke, 7 wks

This boy was so adorable.  Luke was 7 weeks old when I shot photos of him.  He was awake for the whole shoot which took about an hour.  There were so many great ones, it was hard to choose the best!

Baltic Teething Necklace

People see pictures like this and ask, "Does that necklace work?"  The answer is, "I don't know."  I bought it in desperation because his teething was horrible.  I was giving him way too much Motrin and teething tablets on top of it.  I researched these Baltic Teething Necklaces and decided to give it a try.  Why not?!  Now I give him less Motrin, but still give it now and then, still go through teething tablets like they're going out of style, and sometimes he sleeps through the night, sometimes not. I have no idea whether the necklace makes any difference or if it's more of a placebo affect.  But isn't that face adorable?!

Taylor and Bess

Taylor & Bess, 9.5 yrs

These two girls have been constant in each other's lives for 9 and 1/2 years.  They were born 2 days apart, and their parents (Frank and me, Kent and Janna) have made every effort to keep them close.  I worried that as they got older they would drift apart, but I don't see that happening.  If anything, they are closer than ever, even though they see each other less than they did 2 years ago.  I think the fact that they each have a little brother 6 years younger causes them to understand each other better and maybe even need each other more.  I think people are drawn to people with similar lives.  I pray that they will continue to love each other no matter what may come!

Meditation

I decided to practice meditating.  I followed my thoughts to a place where I feel safe, where Jesus can talk to me.  I went to several places before I ended up in the art classrooms at Armstrong.  I was there in my mind, and I immediately got the huge ache in my guts that felt like something was missing.  "I miss it" really means something that I'm not sure is possible to describe in words.  A piece is missing.  I was created to be something, and I know I'm it right now.  I am whole, I know it.  But I know there will be more, and I am anticipating it in a way that makes me almost feel not whole right now. 

My Boy

The circumstances surrounding our adoption of James are difficult to say the least.  Frank says I gave up a lot to adopt him, but when I look at this child who is MY BOY, I see his beautiful face surrounded by the "things I gave up."  He is my boy, and everything around him is blurred and completely insignificant.
I didn't bond with him right away like Frank did.  It took a few months before I was completely in love with him... I fell in love with this boy.  It was not love at first sight as it was with Gabe and Taylor.  Now that doesn't matter.  He's over a year old now, and I'm even more in love with him than I was when I first fell in love.  I think that's the way it's supposed to be with anyone you really love.  I'm certainly more in love with Frank than I was when we first got married.  The more we know a person, the larger the capacity for love is. 
I still get a little freaked out whenever I let my thoughts even glimpse the possible future of James.  It's easy for me to believe the lie that I will raise him wrong.  I do see it as a lie, though, and I trust in my God to help me do right where James is concerned, just as He does with the rest of my kiddos.
Oh how unfair it is that we ended up with this boy who is MY BOY.  Oh how unfair that God should love me so much and entrust ME to raise him.  The love of God is folly.  And thank my God that it is.  I cherish His gift.