Meditation

I decided to practice meditating.  I followed my thoughts to a place where I feel safe, where Jesus can talk to me.  I went to several places before I ended up in the art classrooms at Armstrong.  I was there in my mind, and I immediately got the huge ache in my guts that felt like something was missing.  "I miss it" really means something that I'm not sure is possible to describe in words.  A piece is missing.  I was created to be something, and I know I'm it right now.  I am whole, I know it.  But I know there will be more, and I am anticipating it in a way that makes me almost feel not whole right now. 

My Boy

The circumstances surrounding our adoption of James are difficult to say the least.  Frank says I gave up a lot to adopt him, but when I look at this child who is MY BOY, I see his beautiful face surrounded by the "things I gave up."  He is my boy, and everything around him is blurred and completely insignificant.
I didn't bond with him right away like Frank did.  It took a few months before I was completely in love with him... I fell in love with this boy.  It was not love at first sight as it was with Gabe and Taylor.  Now that doesn't matter.  He's over a year old now, and I'm even more in love with him than I was when I first fell in love.  I think that's the way it's supposed to be with anyone you really love.  I'm certainly more in love with Frank than I was when we first got married.  The more we know a person, the larger the capacity for love is. 
I still get a little freaked out whenever I let my thoughts even glimpse the possible future of James.  It's easy for me to believe the lie that I will raise him wrong.  I do see it as a lie, though, and I trust in my God to help me do right where James is concerned, just as He does with the rest of my kiddos.
Oh how unfair it is that we ended up with this boy who is MY BOY.  Oh how unfair that God should love me so much and entrust ME to raise him.  The love of God is folly.  And thank my God that it is.  I cherish His gift.

Mama bird built her nest on a low branch this year.




We were able to watch as the babies grew from 3 fuzzy, pink embryo looking things laying next to a blue unhatched egg into 4 feathery, too-big-for-the-nest birds.  I would pick a child up and pull the branch down just enough so they could see the nest... not too close!

Well, one day, Andrew decided to look at the bird.  I didn't want to tell him how to do it because, you know, he's a teenager, and he knows how to do everything.  So he pulled the branch down so the nest was right in his face.  Of course, the baby birds were not very happy about that.  And neither was mama bird, I must say.  Babies jumped out of the nest and did not fly.  I saw 3 of them hit the ground and run off, but I didn't see the fourth one.  We left them alone and hoped Mama was able to teach them to fly still.

I heart the library.

Gabe and I go to the library on average 3 times a week.  We love it.  I homeschool him, and we don't have space in our home for a school room, so we use the library as our school room.  It's amazing!  It's huge!  It has everything we could possibly want, and more!  And if they don't happen to have a book we want, we just put it on hold, and get it eventually.  We were on hold for the Halo Encyclopedia for about 3 months.  Gabe asked about it at least twice a week.   We finally have it, and we are not returning it any time soon.  We can check out as many books or dvds or cds as we want for 3 weeks, and then we can renew them twice!  How fun is that?!  Our particular library is about 5 minutes from out house, and it has rooms and tables and secluded places everywhere that we can use for school... or whatever.  James comes with us and does very well.  He takes naps in his stroller and snacks on biter biscuits and bottles.  Did I mention we love it at the library?  It's probably our favorite place away from home. 

Emotional

Two Sundays ago I taught the Vineyard Church of Savannah 9:00 service Kids Church for the last time.  I've been teaching some of those kids for 6 1/2 years (well, 3 of them... 2 being my own).  It was an emotional Sunday for me.  And the following Sunday was also emotional for me.  And it may just stay that way until I get to teach again.  I love those kids so much.  I absolutely believe God has called me to teach the children.  I'm not a Children's Pastor, but I am definitely a children's pastor!  They give me such joy!  And they make me so frustrated!  And they give me such joy!  They make me want to be a better person.  They make me want to be more patient.  They make me want to be more kind and loving.  They make me want to serve my neighbor.  They make me want to trust that God can do miraculous things.  They are the kind of Christians I want to be!  So they don't really know the deep whys and hows of things, but they believe! and they have faith!  As I get older, my faith changes.  It's still there, maybe stronger because of trials and awful sadness, but it will never be childlike as it once was.  I suppose that's okay, but it's so wonderful to be in the presence of children every week who raise their hands when they don't really know the answer.  They just want to please!  I will miss them.  I look forward to teaching again in Richmond Hill... only 5 weeks away!  So soon!

Sad Sad Birthday

On Monday, Andrew threw up on the bus on the way home from school.  We were sure it was food poisoning.  He had no fever, but the next day he stayed home from school just to be safe.  That evening (Tuesday), James threw up on me.  He also had no fever, but he wouldn't eat, and he slept a lot.  The next day (Wednesday) he seemed fine.  Then Thursday morning, Gabe threw up all over his bed.  I cleaned it up, then got sick myself.  We were sick all day.  Friday, everyone was better.  This was Frank's birthday!  Frank picked up his cousin Wendi who flew in for his party from California.  We had a huge 40th birthday party planned for Saturday night.  So that evening (Friday) we went out to dinner.  Taylor was going to spend the night with Taylor P.  She threw up at her house after Frank and I got home.  NiCole brought her home.  Then at 3 am, Frank got really sick.  Saturday was a sad sad day.  We canceled the party, and Frank was pretty sick all day.  Poor Wendi... came all the way from CA, and ended up hanging out with sick people all weekend.  Well, she got very sick that evening (Saturday), and couldn't go to church with us the next morning.  By Monday morning, everyone was well, and we got a sweet goodbye picture with James and Aunt Wendi.  It would be nice to take back that whole week and start over without the sick. 

Not a Fan

I really like the new Kings of Leon album, Only By the Night... which makes me really not like Kings of Leon.  I listened to some of their old stuff and hated it.  I thought they were terrible songs.  Frank told me the music on the new album were written by somebody else, which makes me like them even less.  Those poor die-hard fans who loved their old stuff... now they sound totally different.  If I were them, I'd probably hate the new album and be really disappointed.  So, I don't like Kings of Leon on behalf of their die-hard fans.  They sold out.  There.

I will do this.

I will do this.  Every time I take photos or work on some sort of art, I will blog.  I may not blog about what I did, but I will blog, and I will post photos. 

This is the last photo I took.  Our house is on the market.  At some point we will move to Richmond Hill.  The photo taken for the real estate website wasn't good enough, so I took one myself.  Actually I took about 15 because that's what I do.  Frank worked so hard on the yard to make it beautiful.  And isn't it?   Beautiful.  So why don't you buy it? : )